I have put on hold the idea of faking my own death by leaving my burst lilo on the Grand Union Canal and then going into hiding on the Isle of Sheppey with the insurance money, as apart from not having any life insurance, i've found a whole new exciting way to make money. No it's not called 'full time employment'.

My ever-blossoming php skills have helped me produce an online shop and now my real internet experiment starts. Without using any advertising and only allowing search engines to pick up my website, I plan to try and sell some of my photos from one of my recent crusades. Why not? I think they're good photos taken with a good camera so I bloody well deserve some return. And with the internet being the gateway to prosperity, I can do something I have never ever thought of doing before - out of billions of people, someone has got to bite..

Besides, learning how to create an online shop is a great way of learning a new programming language and now I'll be able to create one for anyone. Although don't click on the 'employ' button yet as you'll be disappointed by the emptyness. It's on the list.

I also created a webstats section in my CMS which allows me to see how many visitors I get a day. It also tells me how they got here, i.e. which page referred them to me, e.g. a google search. It's interesting to know that when someone googles  'Choc-a-bloc-australian-wine- viginia-beach'  then overspecific.com is fourth in the list.

In case I don't make my millions through my photography, I've got some other work in the pipeline for the new year which should come at about the right time. i.e. when i'm completely broke. I should also be able to make the time to start my regular blogging again and finish those other articles i said i'd put in the 'read' section. Maybe i'll even record some new music. Who knows. I'm sure it will all come together in early 2008...

It’s Christmas Day. I’m at my parents house and now seemed like an opportune time to start writing my ‘2007’ blog. Hopefully I will publish it before 2008. The idea is that I’m going to write two. One on the grand scheme of things and another on ‘my’ 2007.

2007. Where do I start and what can I say that hasn’t already been said? Can I possibly come up with some original observation that will make people smirk and nod their heads in agreement when reading this. Probably not but my regimented weekly blogging starts here.

In the grand scheme of things 2007 has been a pretty memorable year and on a more personal level, it has arguably been one of my most memorable years ever. My memorable year meant that I missed out on a lot of the news-worthy moments that occurred in the news around the World and in the UK but I’m going to attempt to vent my spleen on some of the events that were reported on so much that they have left indelible watermarks on our TV screens.

Madeleine McCann

Madeleine McCann was abducted a few days before I left on my tour of the states and it was only in September that I learnt how farcical the whole story had become due to the amount of rumours and speculation the press built up mainly because of the way the details (and non-details) of the case was handled between the Portuguese police and the press. Predictably there were the sightings in other countries, local ex-pats accused and of course the parents were also accused of first being neglectful parents and then of the possible murder and abduction itself. The story has become so confused and convoluted over the months that to me it’s seems impossible to unravel the whole thing and separate the fact from the fiction or to be more precise, to find any facts from all the fiction.

Reality TV, Phone in's and The 'C' Word

We thought we saw the death of Celebrity Big Brother although unfortunately it still couldn’t be put to death even after one of the biggest movie stars in the world was on the end of racial abuse from 3 people sharing one brain cell between them.. If Shilpa Shetty had been in Transformers, they'd have heard of her.. It's not their fault, they were only racists because they didn't know who she was.

What fantastic role-models we have in this country. TV executives seem to be immune to suffering a guilty conscience from the amount of cheap TV they have been churning out over recent years.

Staying on the subject of reality TV, surely 2007 has seen the dead horse flogged into dust. I cannot, for the life of me see what’ll be next to appear in the reality TV format. X-Factor, I’m a celebrity and Big Brother have surely now all run their course and I like to think I’m a voice amongst millions that are saying the same thing: “We’ve had enough of z-list celebrities being churned out every week”. Now everyone thinks they have what it takes to become a ‘celebrity‘. 9 out of ten children now want to be a ‘celebrity’ rather than anything else. Notice the word ‘celebrity’ rather than a career that could possibly make you a celebrity. This ‘C’ word is now the most dirtiest, offensive word of them all.

I am believe it or not, all for the idea of making the England Football Team a reality TV show where the team and tactics are decided by viewers casting their votes by phone-in (£5 a minute). We’d have the all the top players living in a house together. Imagine the fun! All those amazing personalities bouncing off each other! Although quite how the country would react when we had no one else to blame for our abject failure in future competitions remains to be seen. Obviously most calls do not count and Lampard still makes the team even though no one votes for him.

Phone-ins. Should I talk about the subject further? No, Not again. You can read what I said about it a few months ago here.  The fact that people feel cheated by the scam is still a mystery. It’s the equivalent of when Kate Moss was caught on a camera phone sticking coke up her nose, it made the front page of the papers and everyone was stunned. Kate Moss takes drugs? I don’t believe it. Anyway, I said I wouldn’t mention phone-ins and Kate Moss is so passé.. Just ask Pete Doherty. Another man in the news throughout 2007 for not being sent to prison because his career is going so well and he really is making an effort to give up those drugs. Honest. Go on Judge, give him just one more chance, that is all he needs. Well he probably needs a syringe with that too.

The great floods of 2007.

Again, this is something I’m not an expert in as I was not in the country when any of it happened but apparently the event was of apocalyptic standards. I know we British like to overreact slightly i.e. it takes a mild splattering of snow to bring the country to it‘s knees, so when I received emails from friends telling me of the biblical floods I was a tiny bit cynical. I was wrong, the (good) people of Great Britain were right. It really was a bad as they said it was. I especially took notice when I watched people display real suicidal tendencies every time it rained from August onwards.

A New PM.

Gordon Brown, texture like sun. Never a frown with Gordon Brown. These jokes have not become commonplace. It’s such a shame. Unless they already have and again it’s something else I missed. Anyway, again whilst I was out the country Tony stepped down and Gordon stepped up. It was interesting being in the states at the time. The yanks love Tony, they adore (and believe) his hand waggling, eyebrow raising sincerity and those theatrical long pauses during his speeches. Gordon does none of these and this does not endear him to the fickle American and British public. Also Gordon hasn’t been immortalised in a film about the Queen yet. Something else those Americans love about us cute British. Gordon needs a ‘Queen of Hearts’ quote like Tony got at the start of his reign. Come on Alistair, help him out!

Smoking Ban

In August, I got back from the states to hoards of people standing outside pubs making them all look filled to the brim with happy drinkers. You walk through the crowds only to find the pubs completely empty. Ahhhh, of course the  smoking ban, now everyone stands outside. I don’t mind! Brilliant! It means I can get a seat! Although being in the minority in a circle of friends that happen to be smokers, it generally means that I get left alone at pub tables to look after belongings when everyone else goes off to their special secret meetings. We can now smell other lovely smells in pubs now, such as Body Odour and stale beer.. Hmmm.. I have an idea for a new celebrity perfume.


Princess Diana

She died in 1997, you know?

Rehab

The rise and fall and fall and tumble and fall of Amy Winehouse. We all know the story and we all have our opinions. I can’t wait for that difficult third album and the cosmetic surgery to cover up her scribbles on her arms.


Celebrity Perfumes

No, it turns out that all the airheads that take up all those column inches for doing absolutely nothing appear to have some talents after all. It turns out that surprisingly they ALL have very refined nasal receptors. I’m wrong, they’re right again. Next year, we will all be drinking Jade Goody Zinfandel from the Big Brother Vineyard.

Northern Rock

What a calamity this nearly was in 2007. Looks like the calamity has been stalled until 2008 so I’ll blog about it next year.

Burma

Crikey - It took us long enough to cotton on to the fact that this country has got real problems. But what do you mean they don’t have any natural resources we can exploit? In that case they can sort their own bloody mess out.

Facebook

For over a year, I’d been receiving emails from this website informing me that various so-and-so’s had added me as a friend. “I will join if one of my closer friends adds me” I thought to myself. Lo and behold the day came and so I gave in and joined and for two whole weeks I was amazed by all these people I’ve met over the years suddenly popping up and seemingly wanting to know me again - I am popular, I AM popular! After the two week honeymoon period was over I started to feel quite disturbed by the amount of people virtually poking and dry-humping me. “It all seems a bit too ‘stalkery’ to me“ my brother said - I heartily agree. Suddenly I felt under pressure as I seemed to unwillingly enter a popularity contest with the rest of the world. I could tell people ANYTHING if I wanted too.. Shit too late. People have actually started saying ‘I’ll facebook you’. No don’t bother, just e-mail me.. Remember emails?? No offence to my friends on Facebook.. Please don’t delete me!

The Canoe People

Absolutely brilliant. This should be everyone’s favourite story of the year. A man fakes his own death by leaving a battered canoe on a beach near his home and then lives in a secret section of his own house for 5 years as well as flying out and buying property in Panama with his wife and even having the audacity to pose for a publicity photo with the estate agent (which you could actually find on a Google Image Search - has anyone tried Lord Lucan yet? - you never know). Apparently his wife was the only person to know and his two sons had no idea. I must admit to finding this hard to believe but for now we’ll have to accept it as truth. Anyway, For some unknown reason, they decide to give themselves up. The plan seemed to be for John Darwin to walk into a police station after being missing for 5 years, say he had no idea who he was or where he had been and………. Well that seemed to be the extent of his plan… It worked for Harold Bishop in Neighbours.

Skinny Jeans

In 10 years time there is going to be one of those nostalgia programmes looking back on the year of that  skinny jeans took off, everyone will laugh and take the piss.. Apparently Hernia Operations have increased across the nation this year too.. Coincidence?
Even worse are the people that wear skinny jeans that are baggy around the crotch. These people all look like they’ve had a little accidents. Maybe that look is cool too. I thought my anger directed towards the skinny jean people (there’s a drama title for ITV there) was simply because I’m getting older and so not as hip and down with the kids. But Russell Brand and Noel Fielding are both 5 years older than me so it’s DEFINITELY not that.


Part two next week.