You know when a bus comes and you stick your arm out to let the bus driver know when you want him/her to stop?
You know when you wait at a busy bus stop and a bus comes and you and everyone else sticks their arm out, one after the other to let the bus driver know that you want him/her to stop?
Now imagine you are the bus driver and you have to go to hundreds of busy bus stops every day and you've got hundreds of people all waving their arms one after another as if you hadn't notice the first person wave and it's part of your job and training to watch out for such signals..
Well, that is the one and only reason why I could never drive a bus because that would annoy the hell out of me... I wouldn't be able to manage one day without opening the door of the bus and shouting at the customers getting on "I KNOW!! I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO STOP!!! You Don't ALL have to tell me separately!". I would then shout the same thing when they get off the bus after they have all rung the bell hundreds of times to again tell me to stop.
The London Commute: Don't you just love it?
From now on, If i'm not the first person to wave down a bus then I will not stick my arm out to tell the driver something that he already knows.
I will not feel responsible for all those bus drivers in therapy.
Unless of course it looks like he is going to drive on.
Sad to hear this Celeb hang-out burnt down at the weekend.. It seems that everyone is initially thinking that the cause of the fire proably came from the old arches that are still used as garages as flammable products such as paint and oil can be found in abundance.
Has no one thought that the actual cause may have been the clientele that regularly hang around these parts? No, I'm not insinuating that it was arson, not intentionally anyway. It's more to do with the volume of hairspray in close proximity to this whole area.. Face it, Russel Brand and Amy Winehouse are risking their lives everytime they light a cigarette/crack pipe.
The Strangest Shopping Basket I've seen all Year
4 Items:
1) Green Beans
2) Baked Beans
3) The Daily Mail
4) The Guardian.
To be honest, he looked like a guardian reader so i'm assuming he was buying the Daily Mail for someone else or he likes to be updated on current affairs and news in the most tortuous and contradictory way possible.
Goalkeeper - Treebeard
Fantastic shop-stopper who commands his area and defenders well. There have been questions over his reactions in the recent years but there is still no doubting his courage in goalmouth situations and his ability to pluck the ball out of the air from crosses is second to none.
Centre-backs - Gandalf the White (Captain) and Saruman
Forces of good and evil, working together and creating a well balanced defensive force like no other. Fire and Ice, Chalk and Cheese. Paul and Heather. Saruman was very outspoken in the dispute over the captaincy, hopefully he’ll be able to put the past behind him. His coordination and defensive vision will ultimately prove useful to the newly appointed captain.
Right Back - Boromir
Has courage and can easily turn defence into attack although he does have a tendency to play too far up the field and his recent injury troubles (and mystery stress-related illness) do raise question marks.
Left Back - Ugluk
The strongest and most intelligent Ork. He can read the game well and is known for his ability to mark a man out of the game but he will still fly into those tackles far too recklessly. The skipper will have trouble controlling his temper if the switch is flicked.
Defender Midfield - Sauron
The holding midfield champion. Adaptable is his middle name. He can quite happily sit in front of the centre-backs and act as an extra defender or surge through the middle adding an extra dimension to attacking plays. This is a man that can also create space. Lumps of it.
Right Midfield - Éomer
He regularly drifts in and out of games but when he’s in the game his crossing and cover for boromir is invaluable.
Left Midfield - Frodo Baggins
You are very wrong to ever think he is just a bread and butter player. Where this guy’s energy comes from I do not know but he will keeping going and going and going.
Centre Midfield - Gimli
A big game player. His experience rubs off on the younger, less mature players such as Legolas and Ugluk.
Right Wing/Floater - Legolas
He’s best when he has a free reign to roam. Not afraid to shoot from long distance and he is undoubtedly the best passer of the ball I have ever, ever seen. I do hope the media-circus surrounding him doesn’t affect his football.
Centre Forward - Aragorn
Strengths - too many to list. Weaknesses? - None
Top scorer in the Middle Earth league for 4 seasons in a row. The Fans worship him and call him the King of Gondor and its obvious why as his record speaks for itself.
Subs
Gollum (GK) - Untried.. Problems with Concentration and inner demons Théoden (defence/midfield) - Could this be his swansong? Éowyn (Centre/Attacking Midfield)- Balls skills are second to none.. Her energy and pace could be valuable in later rounds.. Samwise (full back) - Heart of gold that he wears proudly on his sleeve Faramir (defence) - Would have been in the first 11 if it wasn’t for the little ‘walkabout’ incident. Dark Rider (Wing/Attacking Midfield) - He twists and he turns like a little eel. A great winger who can add new width to an already ‘widthy’ game. Bilbo (midfield) - rubbish
Possibly the scariest and most pointless public information films ever...I remember being fascinated by it in the imperial war museum many years ago and i'm pleased to see it has made an appearance on youtube.
Would someone actually be able to sound an alarm to warn you of the impending fall-out after a nuclear attack or would they have slightly more pressing things to be dealing with? Like being dead for instance....
The music (radiophonic workshop ??) also manages to portray nuclear war as being more like an episode of Blake's 7 or (70's) Dr Who than the complete annihilation of all known life in a 5 mile radius (120 miles for radiation) that it actually is.. Although, in some respects if dying in a nuclear attack is like dying in a rather fake and tasteful way on a teatime 70's TV sci-fi show then it maybe that would be worse.... But somehow I think it may be quicker than that..
So what do we do kids when we get fall-out dust on us?
It’s simple but brilliant. It’s called ‘Queen of Hearts’ and the premise is to find the new Queen of our hearts. The new Princess Lady Diana Windsor Spencer Wales (I‘m only writing like this so that this blog comes up in plenty of searches engines).
We take 10 of our favourite female celebrities and put them head-to-head in a contest made up of tasks that closely resemble the nation’s favourite ‘Diana’ moments (phone vote number 1, ker-ching). We could have the likes of Heather Mills, Jordon, someone who looks like Princess Diana, Amy Winehouse, That intolerable woman from those Iceland adverts (I can‘t bring myself to say or write her name), Helen Mirren, Anne Widdecombe, Kate Middleton (firm favourite), Lily Allen, Geri Haliwell, Delia Smith, someone from Big Brother (anyone will do), that one from Hollyoaks (you know, the blonde one with the hair and stuff) and one of the ex-members of the sugarbabes (plenty to choose from). They would each in turn marry a member of the Royal family before being treated like a leper by the in-laws by being kept away from your friends and 2 sons whilst wild accusations fly around about them being a public menace and a bad influence on the family because you just aren‘t playing the game the Royal way and you just aren‘t posh enough (sounds like I‘m sticking up for her.. Wow). The competition then continues with a messy divorce and humiliation, a walk across a minefield in a ravaged and war-torn country, be interviewed for 24 hours straight by Martin Bashir, compete in a 100m dash at a school sports day for kids, go on Holiday (a lot), date an Egyptian businessman,be photographed (a lot) and then the finale involves each contestant faking their own death in Paris before fleeing to the far reaches of somewhere never to be heard of again. Well.. ok, you probably will be heard of again (a reversal in the trend for most reality TV contestants).. One person would be voted off each week (phone vote number 2, ker-ching-ching).
The panel of judges would be made up of the most qualified people for the job in hand. So this would have to be Tony Blair, Mohammed Al-Fayed, Paul Burrell, Alex James and Paul Dacre (editor of the Daily Mail).
The winner gets the pleasure of Elton John re-writing his re-written version of Candle in the Wind which can be released off the back of the series (ker-ching-ching-ching), a water feature that fails all health and safety tests (not so ker-chinging), an inquiry that comes around every 10 years (definitely not ker-chinging here) and a motion picture film although the film isn’t actually about you but all the main characters talk about you (a lot).
The headline on the front page of the Scum shocked and angered me today..
99% of Sun readers really think this?? Oh my God.. What year are we living in here?
I got home and decided that I should read the article on their website before blogging about it. You have to have both sides of the story don’t you? I then decided to do a little bit of number crunching…
So 99,500 people think Capital Punishment, i.e. the death Penalty should return.
The Sun Sells around about 3,000,000 copies a day.. Meaning that actually around about 3.32% of Sun readers actually think Capital Punishment should return.
It’s worth adding that 3.32% per cent of Sun readers are also still gullible enough to waste money on phone polls, and look what they are prepared to waste money over voting for!
Anyway.. I’m feeling slightly better about this figure..Let's crunch again!
So 99,500 people out of a population of approximately 60,000,000 think the death penalty should return.
We all got woken up by it... So I didn't imagine it..
There was a slight, very slight rumble and then my bed vibrated.. That's as exciting as it gets...
Nothing on any news sites so you heard it here first!
More updates will be available on proper rolling news websites from now on as i'm going back to bed.. If it IS the end of the world then I want to have a good night's kip before I face it...
The headline on the front page of the Scum shocked and angered me today..