Scientific researched has proven that Londoners are too cool to use pelican crossings in the correct manner.
Some of our brightist boffins have been observing the pedestrians in the UK capital for some time and their results confirmed that people would rather wait in a hands-folded pose with an ignorant look on their face at a designated crossing area and wait for someone else to press the button rather than press the button themselves. Some of the more cooler individuals prefer to go even further and they will weave through the oncoming traffic rather than use the crossing for it's actual purpose as an aid for pedestrians to cross London's busy roads.
The pedestrian crossing at Islington tube has been rated the 'coolest' crossing in London with numbers of 50 or more ammasing there before a button being pressed. Regular users who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being publicly ridiculed had this to say on the matter:
"No, I certainly don't press the button. My rule is I wait for at least another 20 people on smaller roads and 70 on the busier one's although there's always some idiot who comes along and presses the button early but i've come to recognise the types before they actually get to the button so i've got time to make a dash across the road before those pissing beeps go and before that stupid green dickhead appears with his patronising wave telling me that it's safe to cross. And don't get me started on his stupid flashing trick telling me to quicken my pace, If I'd have wanted someone telling me what to do I would have joined the Army" - John, 44, Community Support Officer
"I used to press the button when I arrived but one day I got to the stop and two people stood in my way as I went to press the button. They wouldn't stand down and i'm a coward so I had to walk back up the road and use the other crossing 100 metres away and even that crossing took me 5 minutes to cross because it's only slightly less cooler than the other one. I now just wait like everyone else although to be fair, I do feel a lot cooler which has done wonders for my self esteem". - Mandy 32, Banker
"F*** the Button" - Boris 44, Mayor
"I've been hit by four cars and i've knocked two cyclists off their bikes but i'm still here and whilst i'm still here, what I won't be doing is pressing the button". - Gareth 36, Charity Worker
"Where are you from? Henley??" - Ken, 62, Retired
The Mayor's office has yet to comment on the findings.
